Thinking about a home

Be kind to your children, runs the old advice; because one day it'll be they who choose your care home.  You never think it will apply to you, either way round.

Dad lives in a small two-bedroomed semi, which in general he's looked after well.  There used to be a garden, which at one stage became too much for him, so he had it paved over, back and front, every last square inch of it.  He might have left a raised bed or two around the edge but my Dad has never done things by halves: if he was going to have the garden paved, that meant the whole garden.  My wife calls it a car park.  He tried brightening it up with a few tubs and troughs but he's never been a gardener so that idea fell by the wayside a long time ago.  I don't know if this makes it more or less appealing to potential buyers ... but I'm runing ahead of myself here.

He might be able to manage at home, with a good care package, in the medium term, but ultimately he won't be safe.  He'll wander off, leave the gas on, something disastrous, he'll need watching round the clock.  What with waiting lists and all, this is the time to start looking at options.

I'm the only child and the main beneficiary of Dad's will.  I don't know what he's worth but it's my inheritance and I know he would want to safeguard it.  In fact, I'm guessing about fifteen years ago, he split the ownership of the property into two halves, one in his name, one in Mum's.  The half belonging to whoever died first would be made over to a trust which, in the event of the house being sold, would then pass to me; which would guarantee that, if nothing else, I would inherit half its value, and no care home could demand it to help with fees.  They could have Dad's half, but not mine.  I need to check if this still holds.  Famous Eccles has warned me that it may not be, some new rules have come in which challenge the legality of such arrangements.  You certainly can't create them now.

Mind, I've had a quick look at the care homes that might suit my dad and it appears that some of them offer units which can be bought either outright or occupied on a part-buy, part-rent arrangement.  The unit is then an investment which ultimately can be sold on and might even appreciate in value over the years. 

Homes do vary, across a wide range of variables: size, intensity of provision, range of activities, quality of care and something else - oh yes, cost, that was it.  I don't at this precise moment know the answers to some pretty basic questions, such as: is it first come first served, or do homes give priority to people with identified needs, in my dad's case dementia?  How can I find out which of the homes that might be suitable has the shortest waiting list?

At present, I'm thinking it would be better for Dad if he stayed in his home town, the only one he knows.  Continuity is so important in dementia care; patients get quite unsettled by changes in their environment.  But a move is a move, whether it's a couple of miles from home or two and a half hours' drive; so yes, I am wondering whether it might be an idea to broach the question of him moving to my neck of the woods.   I'd be able to visit him much more often and make sure that his care was everything it should be: one hears the horror stories and I'll be damned if any are going to have a starring role for him.  So at this time nothing is ruled out or in, but I need to study the possibilities and get plenty of advice.  Fortunately I'm in some good networks and know who to ask.  Unfortunately, they're focussed on the area I work in, not where my dad lives.